


within sight of home

by likesflowers



Series: Ulysses [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Do As Peggy Says, F/M, SHIELD, The Day Steve Rogers Walks Away From a Fight is a Cold Day in Hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 14:02:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18639556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likesflowers/pseuds/likesflowers
Summary: ENDGAME SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERSWhat Steve Rogers didn't say left an awful lot to the imagination.





	within sight of home

**Author's Note:**

> Since Steve neither confirmed nor denied any details about his time trip, I've decided that the closing sequence was how Sam filled in the blanks, not necessarily how it actually went.

"No," the old man's smirk was exactly the same as Cap's when he's fucking with you, "no, I don't think that I will."

Well, that left an awful lot up for interpretation.

 

  
**What Sam thought happened:**

  
Cap sneakily deposited the stones back into their respective timelines with a minimum of hammers applied to skulls, maybe takes a side trip to punch Hitler in the face for real, then shows up five minutes late at the Stork Club, making up some nonsense excuse about the state of his hair and the fifteen years he's aged in what seems like a week. Cue crying and hugging and a lovely sepia-toned ending with them dancing in their home while some crappy Casablanca music plays. Almost certainly, it ends with a Hollywood kiss.

  
Hell, Sam thinks, Cap deserves a happily ever after like that.

 

  
**What Bucky thought happened:**

  
Jesus Christ, he looks exactly like his grandfather, Old Man Rogers, who'd died when Buck was six. There's no way Steve did this on purpose, except that is almost certainly exactly what happened. Taking all the stupid with him indeed. Hopefully he at least did something cool with it, like saw some dinosaurs or some shit, before Carter shot him in the kneecaps for impersonating the Captain. Then kissed him, probably, because come on, it's Steve and Peggy, they were made for each other.

  
Actually, it's probably better if Steve **doesn't** tell them what he got up to on his little time quest; just the stress of hearing about the hijinxs those two got up to, even decades after they'd done it, would gray Bucky's hair right up.

 

  
**What Steve wasn't saying:**

  
He had the case in Howard's lab open and had just placed the Tesseract back when he heard a gun cock behind him. "Don't move," she said calmly. Her voice was as steady as ever. He froze, carefully bringing his hands up and panicking, quietly.

  
"Turn around, slowly." 

 

Steve paused for a moment, but he couldn't see any way out of this other than through, so he did. She looked perfect, as ever. Her eyes widened as the light cut a slash across the lower half of his face, the brim of his hat barely shading his eyes. Her grip tightened, but her aim didn't waver. "What...you must be an idiot to think that disguise would save you if you were caught." Her voice was level and ice-cold. It was, frankly, much more terrifying than the warm fury he'd heard the day she shot him, lifetimes ago.

 

He shrugged helplessly, felt himself smiling without meaning to. It was just so damn good to see her, even if she was going to shoot him in a minute. "Peg," he said. His voice cracked. "Sorry I'm late."

 

The gun fired, and he felt it burn across the very outer edge of his left bicep. He clutched at the wound instinctively, glancing down at it. "Shit! Jesus Christ, Peggy, what the hell?" 

 

He looked back at her to see her face pale, her eyes on the blood seeping into the stolen uniform. "It's red," she murmured to herself. "It can't be..." She met his eyes. "Steve?"

 

He smiled. "It's me, really. I'll tell you the whole thing if you promise not to shoot me again." 

 

Finally, she lowered her gun. She took a cautious step forward, then suddenly she was right there in front of him, one hand on his covering the injury, the other on his cheek. Her eyes kept bouncing between his face and the wound, unsure what to focus on first, the blood or the man back from the dead. 

 

There was a sound from the far side of the room, a door opening. "Director? Everything all right?"

 

Steve wasn't sure what she saw on his face, but she must have read it correctly because she called back calmly. "Peachy, McGovern. Looks like another false alarm. I'm going to have to talk to Howard about his security measures in here."

 

"Okay, Ma'am. Should I call off the search, then?"

 

"Please do." Her voice was pleasant and even, but her expression had gradually hardened again, like she was doubting him again. 

 

As soon as he heard the door snick shut, he turned his hand to grip hers that was still resting on his arm. "Peggy. Howard cannot know I am here. It's--it's really complicated, I'll tell you what I can, but you know how Howard is about anything scientifically inexplicable, just...please." He paused, trying to figure out what to do. "Can you sneak me out, take me to your apartment or something? We can't talk here." 

 

Her lips pursed, then she came to a decision. She nodded once, and her eyes lit up for a moment. "Remember Lyon?"

  
\--------------------

 

Fifteen minutes later, he was in the trunk of her car and he heard her say something to an agent about a promise of an early dinner for once to excuse her absence. Then the car was moving, far more careful of bumps and curves than she had been in France. Of course, there were Nazis on her bumper literally rather than figuratively at the time, so he supposed it was fair. 

 

They drove for about twenty minutes, and he definitely noticed when the car turned off pavement onto some kind of gravel. He assumed she was taking the long route to lose any tails they may have, so he was surprised when the car stopped shortly thereafter. He heard her door open, then what sounded like a garage door closing behind the car. The echoes let him know it was a large space they'd stopped inside, maybe an airplane hanger of Howard's. 

 

She popped the trunk and he immediately noticed the gun back in her hand. His stomach dropped, just a bit, and he didn't move right away. "Peg, it's me, I promise. I know it's impossible, but it is."

 

She smiled, close-lipped. "I want to believe that, but I've seen far to many impossible things turn out to be exactly that." She still gestured for him to sit up, so he did, carefully swinging his legs out and letting out a slight sigh as they stretched. The trunk hadn't exactly been spacious.

 

He wasn't sure what would convince her, but she apparently had her own ideas of proof, because she reached roughly for his shoulder and pulled at the sleeve, searching for the graze. It was still visible, but only as a faint red line. She brushed her fingers over it for a long moment, shut her eyes, then opened them and abruptly started crying. 

 

"Steve, how?"  

 

He gathered her against his chest and pressed his cheek to her hair, now liberally sprinkled with silver but still soft and smelling like home. "Shh, I'm okay. We're okay. It's...look, I am not sure how to explain this without changing--"

 

He stopped as something clicked in his brain. Suddenly, he was laughing, hysterically. "Oh my god, Lang was right, Back to the Future was a lie. It's immutable because it's already happened. Which means..." 

 

She pulled back to look at him. "You're not making an ounce of sense, you know." 

 

He couldn't stop laughing and crying at once. "It means there's nothing I can do to undo it. Future's wide open. The future, which is...now." He shook his head. "Looks like I figured out how to cut the wire after all. Goddamn." He could tell he was testing her patience, but his mind was going in a thousand directions at once. Nothing, absolutely nothing that he did would undo what had already happened. Which meant he could do anything, anything at all. It was a heady sensation, probably exactly the feeling Dr. Strange had warned him about. But at the moment he didn't care.

 

He hugged her again. "Sorry Peggy, I just realized I actually can tell you everything. But promise me you won't tell Howard, at least not right away, okay? He'll make a mess, you know he will, and I have no desire to be stuck in a lab for the next month." She didn't respond, but she also didn't loosen her grip on him, so he took it for a tentative agreement.

 

"Suspend your disbelief, okay? But there's time travel involved." 

 

She pulled away and looked him in the face, saw that he wasn't joking. She smiled and sighed at the same time, rolling her eyes slightly. "Of course there is," she said in a surprisingly accepting tone. "Let's hear it, then."

 

So he told her about the ice, and waking up in the future and having a team there. He glossed over a few things--okay, a lot of things--but managed to hit on the weapons from space that destroy half the universe and then just...he can't. He can't give voice to the grief that he still carries from what happened, undone or not. 

 

Her eyes were more knowing than he remembered when she filled in the blanks for him, jumping straight to the end. "But these Infinity Gems were only borrowed? And now, what, you're returning them?" 

 

He wanted to kiss her--she was, as always, perfect. Doing and saying what needed doing and damn the consequences. He couldn't, though, not yet, not until this conversation was done. "Yeah. The Tesseract is the last one. Can't believe Howard's had that thing just hanging around for years." 

 

She nodded. "So now you're done?"

 

He should nod, he knew, but he couldn't. Being done wasn't something he knew how to do, despite all the times he'd tried, from the Valkyrie to the Helicarriers to Siberia. He had no idea how to quit while he was ahead.

 

She prodded once more, eyes locked with his. "If I hadn't walked in when I did, you would have just poofed out of existence again, gone back to the future?"

 

And he couldn't anymore. He leaned in, pressed his lips to hers firmly. It was like before and yet totally different. He'd kissed other people since, and so had she, he assumed, but for a moment it was like no time had passed.

 

And then he felt something hard against his palm. It was metal, metal around one of her fingers. A ring. A wedding ring.

 

He pulled back, as shocked as if he'd been tossed back in the Atlantic. "I'm sorry, Peggy. I shouldn't have done that." 

 

She still had her eyes closed, but after a moment she opened them. "Steve, it's been twenty-five years."

 

He forced his face not to crumple like it wanted to. Natasha would have been proud, he thought, and wanted to crumple even more. 

 

"I know. I'm sorry. I know that you've got, you've got a life here, a family. I wasn't...I just missed you."

 

She smiled sadly at him. "Steve, that's all true, but that's not what I meant. And I've missed you too." She looked down at their hands, his fingers rubbing over the gold on her hand. 

 

She was braver than he was, always had been, because she was looking at his face when she told him. "Daniel died three years ago. I miss him dreadfully as well. I have a son in college and a daughter at home." She paused briefly. "That's why we're not there right now, you know. Until I was sure, I couldn't have you anywhere near her, not when there was a risk."

 

He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. It was silver. "Pegs..." he had no idea what to say.

 

They stared at each other for at least five minutes. She was the one speak, in the end.

 

"So, if you have a time machine, you can spare me one evening at least." It was tentatively said.

 

He himself felt uncertain, but he couldn't argue with that. "I...Peggy, I won't disrupt your life now. I owe it to you to respect your peace." 

 

She gave him a look that brooked no arguments. "What you owe me, Steve, is a dance." She added, "and then you will have dinner at the house with Diane and me. You can stay in Michael's room, he's off at Cornell."

 

He opened his mouth to protest--that was the definition of disrupting her life. He didn't get a chance.

 

"One evening, Steve, please. I've missed you."

 

Well, he'd missed her too, and he'd do anything she asked for in that moment.

 

\------------

 

One evening became two became two weeks before Diane (a spitfire of a girl, seventeen and as fiercely protective of her mother as her mother was of her) took him aside while Peggy was at work and gave him her blessing to "kiss Mom already, as long as I don't have to see it, and I mean at all, because Mom hasn't smiled like that in years."

 

It took him two more days to follow through on her advice, and he did so half-expecting Peggy to push him away or deck him.

 

She doesn't. 

 

By the time Michael comes back for summer break, Steve has been comfortably ensconced in the master bedroom for nearly a month.

 

\-----------

 

The thing is, Steve tries, he really tries to follow Tony's example, to relish in the moments of ordinary life and let the rest of the world go hang if it wants. And he does cherish so much of it, the quiet as he and Peggy sip their coffee and trade sections of the newspaper on a rainy Sunday morning, the warmth in his chest as he hears Diane and Michael bickering over the last piece of pie while he and Peggy clear the table, holding her hand as they huddle under the blanket in the bleachers while Diane, head cheerleader, performs at half-time with her troop. It's everything.

 

And yet, it's not enough, at the same time.

 

He was surprised at how quickly he adapted, technologically and culturally. Once or twice, he suggested Peggy call Diane on her cell when she's out past curfew, and he found himself constantly frustrated at the limits of relying on only the paper available at the local public library. But soon, he's almost back in step with this new time, just a millisecond off. Diane laughs at him for knowing songs by heart that have just come out on the radio that week, but otherwise, life is shockingly ordinary and uneventful.

 

But he listened to the news and the radio, and every time he heard about the war protests at the universities, the mess that is Vietnam and Cambodia, his hands clenched around a coffee spoon or newspaper. But these were never his wars, there's not a thing he could do to help, even if he were over there.

 

The morning Steve realized that Buck probably already **WAS** over there, not even knowing his own name, he threw up in the sink, sick with himself that he had forgotten. That realization shook something loose inside his head, and he looked around at this life he's been living, cozy and comfortable and completely unfamiliar, like someone else's life. He pulled the time converter and vial of Pym particles out of the box on the top shelf of the closet, and stared at them for over an hour, trying to figure out what to do.

 

He put them back long before Peggy got home.

\------------- 

After four months, he bought a ring and bribed Diane to spend the night at a friend's house. He meant to propose over a romantic dinner that he cooked himself.

 

What actually came out of his mouth was the fact that Arnin Zola was still Hydra and had in fact infected all of SHIELD.

 

Peggy stared at him for a long moment, face pale, and then she slapped him. Hard.

 

"You have known, for FOUR MONTHS, that the organization I have devoted my life to building was infiltrated by my worst enemy, and you said NOTHING to me, for MONTHS?"

 

...Steve figured he deserved the slap.

 

She shoved the food back in the kitchen--neither of them had any appetite left--and slammed a yellow legal pad in front of him. "Three lists--Definitely them, Definitely us, and Unknown. I'll be back with the full personnel list. " She glared. "Steven Grant, do not get up from this table until every name on my list is in one of those three columns, or so help me god I will shoot you again." 

 

"Yes Ma'am," he said meekly and picked up the pen.

 

\--------------

 

It took about ten days of planning, assisted by the harried but resourceful Edwin Jarvis and behind the back of one Howard Stark, which was only possible because he had a three-month old at home and they hadn't yet invested in a full-time nanny. But they took full advantage of that to get him out of the line of fire before they executed their strike. They made sure to capture the document trail and send copies to various news outlets as well as the U.S. government (three hours into the photocopies and covered in ink, Steve wished desperately for  the ease of just telling Natasha to upload it to the 'net).

  
It seemed to catch Hydra completely off-guard and they were able to round up almost a third of their targets before they met any sort of real organized resistance. Then things were pretty hectic for a while.

When it was all over, Steve saw Peggy standing in the middle of the warehouse, salt and pepper hair glinting in the lights, a machine gun in one arm, a splatter of blood on her cheek and her eyes wild with adrenaline and victory, and he had never loved her more. He kissed her there, in front of the handful of loyal agents left, the way he should have done a thousand times during the war, and she kissed him right back.

"Marry me," he said when he pulled back.

She grinned and brushed something out of his hair, possibly someone's intestines. "Courthouse doesn't open until tomorrow, darling."

 

They dragged Diane and Michael along, and the Jarvises too as witnesses. It was far too low key for the wedding of Captain America--his documents are last-minute forgeries that honestly should have been caught, they didn't have a cake, and if Edwin hadn't brought his camera they wouldn't even have a picture--and it was everything that Steve had ever wanted. From the radiant look on Peggy's face, she felt the same way.


End file.
